To Teddy (Vicki) and Jesus,
First, to my lovely earthly wife, for both of us, Jesus is the center of our lives and even though our faith and our relationship sometimes faltered, neither ever failed us. That was no more evident than during our last evening together which is what stirs my heart to write this love letter to the both of you. That evening before you went to be eternally with Jesus, your last request was to sing a song as special music at church for Easter - The Hammer Holds. You asked me if I would play it so you could sing it, and you asked Pastor and Joan if we could do it together for special music sometime during Easter. It had become so special a song for the both of us; remember when we heard it for the first time on FLN? We instantly fell in love with it, and immediately after hearing it we both said at the same time, “we’re going to do that for special music at church someday”. We had practiced it several times; we even went so far as to practice it in church once! Last Easter was to be the Easter we would share it with the congregation, but Jesus had other plans for you. This year, I did play a song with our brothers and sister; Fuzz, Shawn, Dan, Linda and I got together and did Glorious Day by Casting Crowns. As we always we do, we had a great time practicing, and when it came time, the Holy Spirit took over and we hopped on board for the ride :^) But there is something the both of you should know, getting there was kind of hard for me. In the back of my mind I felt I should be playing The Hammer Holds.
“Getting there” is what I want to share with you next, and Jesus, you already know this :^) Even before you left for the present Heaven Teddy, Jesus was already showing me what it was like where you would be going. He was starting to show me things about the present Heaven, and the New Heaven and the New Earth yet to come. He showed me that even in our spiritual bodies, we still have bodies, and that the present Heaven is a Paradise, and that when we move from this world to the next, our bodies and minds are renewed. We’re not in our resurrected bodies yet, but we also aren’t disembodied spirits floating around in some vaporous existence. We’re real people, in a real Paradise, with the real Jesus and all those believers who have gone before us. We are finally able to see Him and His angelic hosts face-to-face. We have real relationships, we’re aware of the passing of time (I might mention more on that sometime later), we take with us the best of our memories which bring glory to God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Jesus continues to show me more, especially about the New Heaven and the New Earth and what living with Him and each other will mean and look like. Like Paul said; yes, in this fallen earth and these imperfect bodies we still can’t see the present Heaven or the New Heaven and Earth clearly, but Scripture does give us a good snapshot of what eternal life will be like. So, a large part of my getting there, getting past regrets of not being able to do so many of the things we wanted to do together, was letting Jesus show me where you are now and where we will be, all together, one day to share the rest of eternity. I love you Teddy, for being my earthly wife, sister and friend. I love you Jesus, not just for Your sacrifice for me, but also for preparing a place of beauty beyond our comprehension, for all of us who believe to share and rule with You. Even in this fallen earth, how can we live with regrets when You have given us so much to look forward to?
I know Jesus, there will be those who read this, especially those who don’t know You, they’ll think I’ve gone off the deep end :^) And there will be those who do believe in You, they’ll want to stand-up and shout from the highest roof top. But most of them, whether believers or not, haven’t seen what You have shown me. If they have seen, they will only shout to Your glory; not to this letter and especially not to me. Teddy, Jesus has shown me that the things we do to His glory now are going to last for eternity. This letter, expressing my love to you and to Him, I’m doing to His glory. I fully anticipate that when we are together in our purposed home in the New Heaven and Earth, this letter will be there. One of the things we wanted to do here was to go to Israel. Remember when we went to Nazareth and Bethlehem (PA.) just so we could say we had been there? lol We had a great time on that trip :^) I’m looking forward to going to the New Jerusalem with you. I can imagine that as we enter through one of the gates of pearl, and cast our eyes on that spectacular structure, one of the first things we’ll do is look for a library. It will be like we have done so many times before, exploring everything together. I can imagine that when we find the library, it will be immense and there will be thousands upon thousands of scrolls and books. There will be some kind of index, and the index card we’ll be looking for will have the title, A Love Letter from Griz to Teddy and Jesus. We’ll unroll that letter and read these words. I can only imagine what it will be like.
Before I close, I have a special request for the both of you. I know there are millions here who don’t know You Jesus. You’re standing at the door of their hearts knocking, waiting for them to let you in. I do have a burden for them, but You know Jesus that You’ve given me an even greater burden, and that is for Teddy’s and my children and grandchildren. I need You to help me point them to You. So, would You and Teddy pray for Christal, Bridget, Jeff, Michelle, Aliyah, Caleb, Tyson, Savion, Danny and Lanson, and pray for their boyfriends and girlfriend Keith, Ben, Brianna, Jon and Jon’s son Aiden. Knock on the door of their hearts Jesus, and when they open that door in answer to our prayers, show them what You have shown me. Let that be the reward for their faith just like it has been for mine.
All My Love Everlasting,
Griz
The Hammer Holds by Bebo Norman
A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be
This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams
I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine
My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find
So dream a little dream for me, in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little cry for me, so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little hurt for me, my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow
I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now?
And the question still remains, what am I to be?
Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see
So dream a little dream for me, in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little cry for me, so I can bear the flames
And hurt a little hurt for me, my future is untold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel
This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals
A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand
The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man
So dream a little dream for me, in hopes that I'll remain
And cry a little cry for me, so I can bear the pain
And hurt a little hurt for me, my future is so bold
But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds
This task before me may seem unclear
But it, my maker holds
Vicki and I were attending Belmont United Methodist Church so this was probably around 2002. Vicki was the director of the youth program at church and wanted to do a special Easter program for just the youth and their families. As a gift, we had gotten the book “The Final Week of Jesus” by Max Lucado. Vicki came up with the idea of doing an evening program where the audience would be blind-folded. Using select readings from the book, music, and recorded as well as live sound effects, we recreated the crucifixion of Jesus. In the dark sanctuary, Vicki made the passion of Jesus come alive. She choreographed everything compete with thunderstorm and lightning, the scourging of Jesus and the pounding of the nails. We rehearsed everything prior to the program and made all the necessary adjustments to ensure everything worked and flowed.
After the main program was finished, she had designed a special treat. With youth and family members still blind-folded, Vicki and I guided each to the conference room adjoining the sanctuary. The first part of the program allowed them to experience Jesus through sound, this individually guided tour allowed them to experience Jesus through their senses of touch and taste. Each of the stations presented a different aspect of the life of our Savior: Jesus the good shepherd (staff, cloak and sandals), Jesus and the last supper (bread, juice, lambs bone, bitter herbs), Jesus the servant (water, washing bowl and towel), and Jesus crucified (wood beam, nails, crown of thorns); providing them the opportunity to touch and taste what minutes before they had heard. Only after they were all led outside to the parking lot were they allowed to remove their blind folds. There was no fanfare, we simply thanked them for coming and asked that as they went home to reflect on what they had just experienced.
Vicki spent more hours serving Jesus than any of us can possibly imagine, giving of her energy, time, gifts, and talents to spread the good news of the Gospel. This memory is just one of the unique ways the Holy Spirit spoke to her and used her to impact the lives of those around her in a profound way.
June 5, 2010 – Fireflies
I went up to Michelle and Jon’s last night to drop-off birthday gifts for the grandchildren, four are June babies – Caleb, Aliyah, Savion and Lanson. Kathy, Michelle and I were sitting on the steps of the front porch and the field across the road was full of fireflies. I just came in from spending a few minutes out back and lots of fireflies!
I shared with Kathy and Michelle a time that Vicki and I took a drive on a night much like last night and tonight. It was probably the first or second spring (had to have been about this same time of year) after we moved here to Stanndards. We just decided to go for a drive, may have gone to Shorts for ice cream first, up on the back roads on the east side of Rt. 19 (pretty much across from the house). I’m not even sure where we were, but we were on a hill top far from any lights. It was a moonless night, but the stars were out. There were open fields covering dozens of acres. We found a spot where we could pull-off and park, and then we got out of the car. We sat on the hood of the car for a couple minutes so our eyes could get adjusted to the dark. As they did, we experienced what can only be described as a miracle moment (actually we stayed there for probably close to two hours). It was one of the most amazing light shows either of us had ever seen. Fireflies were lighting up the fields, and it seemed to stretch on endlessly, there must have been millions of them – everywhere you looked. We went walking out in the field in the midst of them and they were everywhere, we were immersed in a sea of pale shimmering green light. As we walked, the dancing clouds of light would shift, move and change shape. It was like being on another planet or in the middle of a fairy tale. We just kept laughing and saying to each other how unbelievable it was! Seeing the fireflies last night and tonight took me back to that moment, just one of many miracle moments.
The signifigance of "Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground," is very dear to my heart. Mom has always been a very big fan of Willie Nelson. Back in either 2001 or 2002, Willie performed at St. Bonaventure Universtiy in Olean, NY. My ex, Aaron, and I got tickets for us, his mom and my mom. We were supposed to sit all the way in the back on the left side of the auditorium, but we saw six open seats in the fourth row, center stage. We decided to go sit there and if the people came we would just return to our seats, but that never happened and we got to sit there for the whole show. It was awesome and we had a great time! Mom really wanted to hear "Angel Flying to Close to the Ground" and I guess it's true, they save the best for last. That was the last song performed and it made mom so happy! It is her absolute favorite Willie Nelson song. She had also taken a yellow rose to the concert, and since we were so close, she got to throw it right on the stage. Plenty of flowers were thrown, but noone else brought a yellow rose (state flower of Texas which is where Willie lives). That yellow rose was the ONLY flower that Willie picked up from that stage. It was a simple reminder of "home" for him and my mom made that possible. She is the most amazing woman and I am at a loss without her. Please share any memories you have. The memories are all we have now, the more the better. I LOVE AND MISS YOU MOM! You are forever in my heart!
I thought I would begin this memory section by explaining our song selection for Vicki's web site. I won't be sharing these in the exact sequence they appear here, but there are memories in the music.
When you first come to this page, the first song you should hear is Vicki singing "I Can Only Imagine". As one of the members of the Wellsvile Full Gospel congregation shared, Vicki's was the first funeral she ever attended where the person actually sang at their own funeral. That was my doing, but with Michelle's permission :^) Vicki sang that for special music in church (WFG) one Sunday back in 2003. Not often, but once in a while she would hear a worship song that really inspired her and she would reach down inside for the courage to get up in front of people and sing (she sang in church choir for several years, but singing with a group was different than singing alone).
A bittersweet memory for me is another song, "The Hammer Holds". This was a shared favorite for both Vicki and I. When we first heard it (likely on FLN radio), we both said that was a song she should sing at church! We had always planned to do it for Easter. I taught myself the picking style that Bebo Norman uses, and then we practiced it on several occassions. We even practiced it in church one time! Why the song is bittersweet for me is that the Sunday night before she went into surgery on Monday, she asked me if we could do that song in church this Easter (2010). I told her that I practiced it often and that we would definitely do it this year. I guess the Lord had other plans :^) Right now it hurts to listen to it, not only because it describes the crucifixtion of our Savior from the perspective of the nail, but because it reminds me of something special we shared that went unfinished. I don't know everything that happens in Heaven, but maybe one of the things will be to complete some tasks that we never had the opportunity to do here on earth. At least I know there are stringed instruments in Heaven and that Vicki is there now singing praises to the Father :^)
"Amazing Grace" with bagpipes and "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone" have a pretty unique story. Neither Michelle nor I were aware of their significance until after the funeral. Michelle had selected "Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone" and "You Are My Sunshine" to sing at Vicki's funeral (thus their inclusion here). Only later did we see in Vicki's Face Book notes that in one of those "40 questions about yourself" tags, that Vicki had answered the question "What would you like played at your funeral?" with Amazing Grace on bagpipes and Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone. Since they weren't in the funeral, Michelle thought it fitting that they should be played here on her Mom's memorial site.
I was hard-put to think of any favorite hymns or prasie and worship music that Vicki might have had, she loved so many songs. Michelle knew that one of Vicki's favorite hymns was "The Old Rugged Cross", so that is here because it was one of her favorites. Vicki loved country and western music, and "Three Wooden Crosses" and "Jesus Take The Wheel" were also favorite songs of hers.
"Angel Flying Too Close To The Ground" is a special memory shared specifically between Michelle and her Mom. I'll let Michele tell you about that memory in her own words and time.
Three songs were very special between Vicki and myself. They are, "Unchained Melody", "Crazy", and the "Hawaiian Wedding Song". The Hawaiian Wedding Song was the song she walked down the isle to on the day of our wedding, Oct. 5, 1996. My Mom always wanted to hear that song played as the wedding march at a wedding. So that was Vicki's & my gift to our Mom :^)
"Unchained Melody" was very much "our song". It became such when we went to our first "movie" date back in 1990 (we met in Oct. of 1989) - the movie was "Ghost", and Unchained Melody was the theme song for that movie. It was also the song we picked to dance to for our first dance together on our wedding day. "Crazy" was another wedding song, that was the song we played for the Father/Daughter - Mother/Son dance.
I'm sure there will be more favorite songs to be shared, we'll get those posted as we become aware of them.
4-20-2010; I knew there would be more songs. Song #14 is "You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings". That was Vicki's wedding gift to me, and a surprize gift at that! It wasn't in the program and I didn't have a clue that it was going to be played :^) Karen Sellers, on piano, and her daughter Shannon, on flute played it. Ron Sellers, the pastor for Vicki's funeral, was also the pastor who married us. Of course Vicki had Karen and Shannon play it before our vows, so I go into those all choked-up :^) Well hon, this time, it's for you!
In the meantime, please share some of your favorite memories of and with Vicki. I, for one, have many, many more that will eventually appear on this site! I told Michelle trying to put together her life story is going to take some doing! How does one put "The Dash" into words? The memories shared by family and friends here will go a long way in doing just that.
God Bless Always,
Dean
